Tuesday, September 28, 2010

Learning at the Speed of Cobra Venom

     Yesterday while walking home from the primary school (incidentally it's the route Cassandra prefers for jogging) we happened upon a cobra getting down to business with a frog. Its funny how many things you can learn in less than one second. Among these insta-lessons were the following:

1. Just the sight of a highly-venomouse snake puffing its neck out is enough to render the speech centers in Cassandra's brain nigh inoperable.

2. My supervisor has a vertical leap of nearly a furlong, and the reflexes of a cat/genetically-engineered mongoose. It helps arm me against the day we may need to face off in hand-to-hand combat.

3. I apparently lack some deep seated, life-saving aversion to snakes, which had me following the sucker into the bush fumbling for my camera.

What I can glean from these lessons is the following:

1. If I am ever in an argument with Cassandra, be sure to have a live cobra on hand.

2. If I am ever in hand-to-hand combat with my supervisor, rolling into a ball and protecting my soft underbelly is my only option. It worked great for the hedgehog I brought into the house last night.

3. If I am going to die in Uganda (a statistical certainty), it won't be on public transport-as I had previously assumed-but by blatantly disregarding the dangers of venomous African fauna.

All in all, I think I was able to turn that little episode to my educational benefit.


Friday, September 24, 2010

I'm a Terrible Host (unless you're gastrointestinal parasite)

To be frank, I had a whole workup of all these differences between Ugandan hosting style and ours, then a copy/paste error destroyed it all. In keeping with my character I refuse to retype it. Suffice it to say that we hosted a few Trainees last week and one of them got a huge gaping leg wound in our backyard.

Cassandra = happy to have a friend.

Visitor = in deifinite pain.

Neighbors = unimpressed with our hosting skills.

 

     On a lighter note, one of my friends was recently robbed at machete blade. We can all agree that the point of a machete is much less intimidating than the blade. I sent a message of condolences and offers to help any way I could, but failed to recognize that the phone would also be stolen. At least my friend's assailant can sleep easy knowing he has a friend in Uganda who is there for him if he needs it...

When we visit Lamu, I'm gonna take a lesson from Crocodile Dundee and trump those bitches with a claymore.